One of the inevitable consequences of being chronically ill is that it forces you to readjust your life. No part of your life is left untouched. These past few weeks have been full of hard decisions. I had to leave my position on the show choir stage crew and stop going to choir at the high school. I am no longer a student at the high school in any way. That was one of the last pieces of the old me to go, but heres why that doesn’t upset me. Since I got “sick” I felt a pressure to do the same things I used to, and be the same person that I had been with my friends. Luckily I have some amazing friends who never expected that of me, but part of me did. As my joints declined I needed walking aids such as my forearm crutch. I was also frequently in braces or splints. I felt self conscious because people at school didn’t know about my health problems, they just knew the happy active teen I used to be. This left me feeling pressure to push myself to do those activities and not to use the things that I really needed. Now I get to be who I am, a new person you could say. I feel like a weight has just been lifted off my shoulders, and I don’t have to care what other people think.
Not all changes are bad, lots of good things are happening too. I got my ankle braces fitted and I love them! They give me so much more stability (is this what strong legs feel like?). My PICC line has been a huge help in making me feel better. I am getting consistent fluids without all the IV pokes (always a plus!). Some thing that isn’t related to my health that I am excited about is my sign language class. I am learning so much and I have never enjoyed learning a new language as much as ASL. It has me thinking about a possible career option as an interpreter. I could spend hours trying to transfer everything I want to say into signs.
I have a few appointments coming up next week. I’m having more tests run on my stomach to check up on my Gastroparesis. We were lucky enough to get into a cancellation appointment with a new neurologist that specializes in Dysautonomia next week. Theres a very good possibility that with these appointments more life changes may come my way…but thats ok, I’m ready.
“I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead.” ~Philippians 3:13~